The Gift of Connection

And a Loving-Kindness Meditation

“Trees” (1961) by Tomioka Soichiro (1922 – 1994)

Loving-Kindness Meditation

In the traditional Loving-Kindness meditation, we offer well wishes to all living beings. It helps us build connections, strengthen relationships, and it imparts feelings of care and concern.

Over the years, I have noticed consistent, sometimes strong, reactions to this particular meditation.

It is the very favorite of a large group of people. Others feel uncomfortable at the very start when they are asked to send love and compassion to themselves. Being kind to yourself can feel unfamiliar at first, but we live with the voice in our head. How do we want that relationship to go?

The voice in our head is a constant companion, and we want to have a positive relationship with it.

We ought to speak as kindly to ourselves as we would our best friend. For some, this is easier said than done. This meditation is a great place to practice being kinder and more compassionate to yourself.

When people practice traditional Loving-Kindness meditation for the first time, they are often struck by the feeling they get from sending well wishes to neutral people—the ones they know the least well.

A neutral person is someone who is in your life but you lack information about them. It might be the person sitting at the next table or someone you pass in the lobby. You might recognize them, but you don’t know the story of their recent dental surgery. You have no idea about the amazing work they do to champion rescue dogs. You don’t see the tension that they feel for their big meeting later today. You have no idea that the white hair on their clothing is from their sweet rescue pup who has a suspicious lump on his spine.

We practice wishing them well, not knowing the details of their lives, but simply because we know the beauty and the sorrow of the existence that we all share.

When we send a neutral person loving-kindness, we are consciously changing a habit. We tend to overlook people we don’t know well. By suddenly paying attention to them via our well wishes, we become more curious about them and begin to recognize that by bringing them to mind we are starting to build a connection.

When we go about our day we likely come into contact with many people—people we know, and people we don't. When we practice paying attention, looking up from our phones to meet someone’s gaze, wondering about their days, and maybe even sending them a silent wish for well-being, we find that our improved attention enriches our chance encounters.

Paying attention in this way makes life fuller. We realize that we’re not so alone. We receive the gift of being present, of paying attention.

Through this paying attention we remember that we live in relation with all living beings, like it or not.

Some people are easier for us to love than others, but we are all in this together. Despite our differences, relatedness is the gift of caring, and we are immeasurably enriched by that if we allow it.

The link to the twenty-minute Loving-Kindness meditation is below.

Please invest the time. It is well worth it.

See you here next week!