"I'm Sure She Means Well"

And a funny story with a life lesson

Hi there.

In the earliest days of Inner Space Studio, I accepted an invitation to add a few recorded meditations on one of the big meditation apps. I was so excited. My friends and family left kind, supportive reviews. It was nice. Things were going well. Then the pandemic hit, listenership exploded, and I started hearing from strangers. Reviews began to come in from people all over the world. Some of you probably made your way here via that very app. (Hello! I’m glad we found each other.)

Honestly, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I would tell my friends — someone left me a review from India today! France! Peru! A few resourceful listeners found my business email and I began to receive heartfelt paragraphs. When I tell you I was feeling sassy…

And then one day, I got a review from someone who did not leave their real name or location. What they did leave was one lonely star and the words, “I’m sure she means well.” Oof.

Then I remembered one of meditation’s most powerful lessons.

I had spent years building a contemplative practice that was a rehearsal for how I wanted to relate to moments like this. I had become too attached to the praise. Yes, it’s good and important to help others and make a difference, and we ought to celebrate these moments. However, I had let my emotions be influenced by what other people thought of my recordings, and that spelled trouble. The reviews are entirely subjective. My recordings are never going to be everyone’s favorite.

I am much better served by doing my best work, releasing it, and leaving it at that.

Consistent and concentrated time in meditation will lead to the cultivation of improved habits. These habits may begin in a narrow domain – on the meditation cushion say, but they will grow into a true practice in the broadest sense - when the habits find their way into the rest of your life. Habits become meaningful when they are less physical actions (sitting in meditation), and more ways of being and relating in daily life.

In this way, meditating in stillness is a training ground. The skills and attitudes we develop are elemental. One skill we cultivate in meditation is equanimity, and it’s the quality I was (eventually) reminded of when I got that single-star review.

Equanimity is a form of acceptance. It is expecting the people around you (and yourself) to be exactly who and what we are — flaws included. It is not allowing ourselves to be attached to any particular outcome. It is doing our best and expecting nothing in return. It’s knowing that circumstances and situations can shift at any time and that we will be okay either way.

Do your best work and release it into the world without expectation.

What a powerful way to live.

Start with these two things:

• Pay attention, on and off your meditation cushion.

• Be humble.

It’s a lifetime of practice to return to these lessons again and again.

For more, listen to this week’s audio meditation on the subject of equanimity.